Why Your Sexuality Matters.

Your sexuality matters too. Do you have ‘a sexuality’? Do you define it as straight, queer or LGBTQI+? Read on to reflect on your sexuality; it is more present and personal than people often might think:

Reflect On Your Sexuality

First, the definition: Sexuality includes gender, gender expression, sex, sexual orientation, sexual identity and erotic orientation. It refers to how you identify, relate to others and the way you experience sexual and romantic attraction. It has partially to do with who you have sex with and how you relate to yourself. Sexuality can be fluid and change over the course of your life. For people who do not identify as the majority of sexual orientation in society, terms like straight or (LGBTQ+) lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer may be helpful terms or may not fit you to define your sexuality and sexual orientation. Sexuality is diverse and personal, and everyone has ‘sexuality’, and it is different for everyone.

Who Am I? & Who Do I Love?

Now, let’s reflect on some questions. Read on to find some suggestions on how to reflect on this or have a conversation about this:

• Erotic Orientation: What turns me on?

  • This can be similar and also different from your sexual orientation. For example, being sexual with the same sex as yourself may not be your relational preference and may sexually still be arousing. Or you may have sexual fantasies that you do not practice, yet erotically the fantasies are a turn on.

• Gender Identity: Which messages or signals did I receive, growing up, about my gender?

  • For example: what did it mean, in your family, to be a boy? To be a girl? To be someone who felt like ‘boy’/‘girl’ did not fit to describe you?

• Gender Expression: Which message did I get regarding clothing? Make-up? Beards? Music and sports interests etc.…

  • For example, the clothing you did wear, the clothing you were taught not to wear, or wanted to wear?

• Sexual Identity: As a straight person / gay person / queer person [insert own identity], I have learned that I am supposed to express myself like this …

  • For example, with anger? With tears? With laughter? Via art? With disagreement? not at all?

• Sexual Orientation: At what point in your life (if ever) did you know who you are attracted to?

Exercise

These questions are designed to support you to reflect on your sexuality. There is no straightforward answer to these questions. There are no right or wrong answers. They are here to help you think, reflect and understand yourself better. Who Am I? Who Do I Love?
It can help reflect on these questions yourself or talk about them with your partner or with a close friend. How would your partner/friend have experienced their sexuality? And how does this show in your relationship?

Sexuality & Therapy

Therapy can be a journey to find ways to be you, truly you, or be even more yourself. Therapy is about making a real connection with the psychologist, too, me in this case. People often carry the messages they have received regarding their sexuality with them. For us to discover what ‘being yourself’ means for you, we may need to acknowledge and understand your sexuality too. This also depends on your needs and comfort.

The complex thing with sexuality is that it is a core part of your identity. I aim to support you to understand better the many aspects of your sexuality and how this influences your life, across your life. In psychological therapy, I aim to empower you to become, be, or be even more yourself.

Can you think of other questions to reflect on? Do share them and let us know down below!